


Slash and Burn

by rozyroe



Series: Shinaya Week 2020 [1]
Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: Day 1: Unrequited, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Its not too bad but just be caution if you are sensitive to that kind of thing, ShinayaWeek2020, Some hints of violence, Warning for some typical kagepro sadness, starting off angsty whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26832430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rozyroe/pseuds/rozyroe
Summary: Shintaro Kisaragi has dies 212 timesAyano in her field of flowers has seen every single one of them and she is tired of the heartbreak.For #ShinayaWeek2020
Relationships: Kisaragi Momo & Kisaragi Shintaro, Kisaragi Shintaro/Tateyama Ayano
Series: Shinaya Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1957276
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	Slash and Burn

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, i haven't written anything thing this thought out and long in awhile so kudos to my shipper heart for wanting this. Sorry for starting Shinaya Week on an angst note but just had too.
> 
> Warning! there is some typical Kagepro violence referenced her and a referring to burning to please heed with caution if that kind of thing bothers you.
> 
> Also i have no beta reader so all mistake are my own.
> 
> other then that? Enjoy and don't forget to leave a comment if you want!

**Slash and Burn (adj):** in which existing vegetation is cut down and burned off before new seeds are sown; clearing away old crops to bring in new ones.

* * *

When she first meets Shintaro Kisaragi it is while she is leading him back to her house ( it has not been home for a long time ) while his sister sleeps slumped on his back. Frankly, he looks a little out of breath holding her like that and she would ask if he needed help but he seemed determined to do it himself.

( she doesn’t think about the pure concern in his eyes when he first saw her nor how gentle he was taking her from Shuuya. Not when she was so focused on the disdain her own brother was looking at her with )

So she keeps her mouth shut until Momo is safely tucked away in a spare room and they are both awkwardly staring at each other across her dining room table. She watches as his eyes shift across the room taking in her spare furniture and dust lining the shelves.

It’s hard, Living in a house that used to be so full of life, hard to take care of it all by herself.

“So..you live alone?” Is all he says after another moment passes. 

“Yes. I have for a little while now.” She replied. She is used to the empty halls and dark corners by now. In the beginning, she used to never leave her room, too scared to face the reality of her situation.

“Oh. That’s…” he trailed off and cleared his throat to try again.

She stops him before he can prolong this awkward feeling and goes on to explain how she ended up here. She can tell he wants answers of his own and wants to get straight to the point. Regals him with a tale of her slow descent into madness that lead to the last of her family leaving her alone in this very house. Still, retelling The story doesn’t make her question her judgment back then, They would have been better off without Marry and she knows it.

She watches as he reacts in Horror to her story but he doesn't say anything in objection. Maybe he could sympathize a little as a fellow older sibling but she wasn't sure. She is about to ask if he knew anything more himself before the sound of the front door opening and closing echoes through the house.

Panic ensues as Shintaro rushes to the room his sister was in and finds that she has left the house. He takes a moment to calm himself before going to follow her. She goes to stop him, knowing it won’t help much if Momo is already dragged into this messed up Situation

“It’s a big brother’s job to be worried about his sister” Is all he says before he leaves.

All Ayano can do is stand there as his words repeat in her ears over and over.

And she knows she is a terrible person and made a terrible choice.

( This is the first loop, the start of it all and she knows this will not be the last )

* * *

The first loop comes to an end and all that is left is the sister she wanted dead and herself.

She starts into wide rose eyes and realizes that maybe this is her one chance to atone for her anger and her hatred. It is then she makes a choice. She gives up her life, one she knows she lost the first time she died anyway so it wasn’t much to miss.

Her new self will need a host as all the snakes must have. All that comes to mind is a boy who was awkward but loved his sibling deeply, something she couldn’t even do right. 

If anyone can save them, then maybe it is this Boy. 

Ayano Tateyama is dead

Yakitsukeru Killed her themselves.

* * *

That is a lie, Ayano still lives but for how long she doesn’t know.

She watches now from her desk among a field of flowers as Shintaro Kisaragi meets his baby sister for the first time. He is straight-faced and quiet to this baby in his arms, still, she watches as he tightens his grip on Momo as His father comes to take her and knows he loves this new person in his life even if he is bad at saying it.

The years go on and she has little interest in the life of his Boy. She is only here for the tragedy, to observe and learn. The analog TV in front of her seems to fizzle out everyone once in a while to match her complete disinterests.

She blinks in interest the day Shintaro and his mother go to the hospital. His father is dead and Momo’s lips are still tinged Blue. Shintaro sits by his sister's side while she sleeps. Everyone once in a while he looks away and she can tell he is trying to keep his shoulder steady as he cries.

Momo Kisaragi finally wakes up, her eyes a brilliant  _ Red. _

_ The tragedy is finally set to begin. _

* * *

Shintaro Kisaragi starts Middle school and is shocked by Ayano to see herself when he walks into the classroom.

It makes sense now that she thinks about it, just because she died the first time everything happened doesn’t mean she was written from history. She is a piece of this story after all.

This version of herself is Happy, lives in her big house with her siblings and Marry ( she still is hesitant to call the Medusa her sister, has to see what the girl will do this time around ). Her mother is dead and her father has red eyes that he hides. That's new.

She thinks the Red Muffler is a little ridiculous but she accepts this is her other self version of trying to make things easier for her siblings. She can’t fault the other Ayano for doing what she could not.

Does she feel jealous? Not really. Her other self is simply a means to an end. A piece to fill the hole she left in the timeline nothing more.

* * *

Shintaro is a weird person she finds. He is awkward and rude, seems to hate the general populace, and likes to stay in his room a lot. Still, he has soft conversations with his mother in the evenings and worries for his sister when she stays out doing idol work too late even if it's in the form of scolding her. She doesn’t think Momo knows about the hard days where he goes to his Father’s grave and just sits there for hours not saying a word. 

He is constantly annoyed with her other self, snaps at her, and slaps her hand away when she is being too clingy. She kind of wants to reach through and mess with him as revenge.

(this is the beginning though she doesn’t know it. Of the longing.)

Time passes once more, Takane and Haruka join in the tragedy. She feels sorry for them a little considering they have nothing to do with her family who is at the center of it all.

(she can’t help but wonder where they were the first time. If she would have met them. She tries not to dwell on it.)

Shintaro seems to loosen up with them around. Haruka and he click pretty much instantly. Takane and Shintaro bicker a lot but bond over there competitive nature over various games. 

( there is one day, they are at Shintaro house and Takane is ranting about one thing or another and walking in circles. She trips over a cord for a controller and faceplants on Shintaro's worn carpet.

He stares at her a moment before laughing so hard he could barely breathe.

Ayano starts from her field of flowers and thinks his laugh is kind of nice when it isn't forced. )

It is Shintaro's last year of middle school when her other self takes a nosedive off the school roof. Shintaro comes to school the next day and all eyes are on him. The police pull him out of class and he is silent after saying his piece.

( she can't help grinding her teeth at the fact that Shuuya saw it all and how dare her other self to be so irresponsible but who is she to talk? She is not saintly older sibling herself. )

Takane and Haruka seem to disappear into thin air after that, and Shintaro is alone.

( well, that is not true, She is with him though he does not know it. She should really start thinking of how to awaken his powers to get the ball rolling. )

He comes to school less and less. The conversations with his mother are slow and stilted. The poor woman tries her best but it is no use, He quits school altogether and locks himself away.

* * *

She is reminded then of a story her mother read to her as a child. Of a girl who was locked in a tower high, almost to the clouds. With golden hair long as the tower itself and of a Prince who would come to resume her.

There would be no Prince coming for Shintaro Kisaragi. Momo tries to fill the role in the beginning but has her own problems to deal with.

Ayano in her field of flowers learns then that the Haze is a place that can be changed by will, outside of the laws of time and space. She looks down at her desk to see two toys. A Shintaro with hair spun long and chains around his throat and herself with hands made of stone and a sword on her hip. She doesn’t understand it.

( it was her field of flowers telling her that she wanted to be Prince Charming but never could be. She wasn’t good enough to save anyone yet. )

  
  
  


The screen before her fizzles out for the first time in a while and it comes back to Shintaro bringing a pair of scissors to his throat.

“No!” her voice cracked from disuse, echoing in the empty space. He can’t give up like this!

She is weighed down by stones and can do nothing. Shintaro Kisaragi dies in his room. The room quiet until the sound of an email pinging from his computer rings out, She sighs and slumps in her chair. All she can do now is wait for the timeline to restart again.

  
  


* * *

Before the new timeline begins, she dreams.

In this dream she finds Shintaro in the haze, At first, he looks at her in shock thinking she is the Ayano that fell. She speaks to him and the monotone of her voice makes him question who she is.

“I am Ayano, a different one” She explains and for now it does not sound like a lie.

“Oh.” He says to her.

“Why did you kill yourself? Was it so hard to be alone?”

She knows it is insensitive to say. She had done it and it sucked but she lived. Maybe she was wrong and this was not the person to help her. Maybe Shintaro Kisaragi was a coward.

“Honestly? I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did.” 

She blinks.

Oh.

Shintaro was quiet and awkward. Depressed? Not something she considered.

In this dream they talk because they have time to pass. He finds conversation with her easier than the other Ayano with her fake cheer. She finds herself laughing for the first time in awhile.

It is….Nice. He is sweet when he wants to be. Cares for his family a lot more than he lets on.

She wakes up.

* * *

Things are different after the dream.

When the next timeline starts she finds herself interested in his past unlike before.

She looks on as Shintaro and his father curl up on the coach to watch some show while his mother cooks dinner. Watches as he tries to hide his ever growing curiosity over having a baby sister. The first time she took it as him just being smart but now she knows it is genuine interest in his sibling. 

When his Father dies this time around, She notices he will grace his hand softly over the small keyboard his father and himself would play together to get his mother to laugh. Momo cries about it being her fault and Shintaro says nothing but let’s Momo curl up in his bed at night when she can’t sleep.

She looks and looks and finds herself becoming...endeared with him.

She feels something ugly in her throat when he meets this timeline’s Ayano and she doesn’t like it. She knows what it is (Jealousy. Envy. The thought of you will never know him better than i do) but she does not acknowledge it. She can’t afford too when there are more pressing matters ahead.

She watches again as her other self falls and their senpais disappear. The tower is built and Shintaro throws away the key yet again.

This time however? Well…

“Master! Wake Up!” Ene is a loud persona and nags at Shintaro at every moment. Ayano among her flowers is pleased however, because Ene keeps Shintaro alive.

(beforehand thinking in such a way wouldn’t have bothered her but now? She feels ugly thinking of Shintaro as a pawn like that knowing all she knows about him.)

Shintaro still spends two years locked away, But this time he eventually breaks out and leaves to venture into the scary open world.

She tries not to feel anything the first time she sees her siblings after so long but her tears are only for herself so she just accepts it for what it is and cries into empty air.

She is happy to see he gets along with them as best he can. Laughs at Shuuya not taking anything of his shit and Seto just being confused by this mess of an 18 year old. That laugh turns into a soft smile as Shintaro talks to Tsubomi softly, understands her need to hide from others and helps her along best he can. Ever the older brother.

She thinks finally, things are going as they should and he just needs a little push…

Then He gets shot and the cycle starts again.

* * *

She has lost count of how many timelines it's been. However many times she has watched her siblings die, watch the boy she fell for die.

( she hates her stupid brain for falling for him, knows she can never truly have him. That does nothing to stop her heart picking up when he smiles )

This timeline, however, is a little different from the rest. Shintaro and Ayano talk more and argue less. Ayano is less happy and more honest and Shintaro is less snappy and sadder.

She doesn't know what caused things to be different but they are, maybe the universe is seeing what this difference will do.

They are in their last year of middle school and the day that Ayano usually falls, Shintaro confesses that he loves her. It is a messy stuttering thing but it happens all the same, Ayano stares at him in shock. She looks away and a blush heats up her face a bright red. She softly agrees that she likes him too.

She does not die that day, still, she worries for her family but keeps it a secret. Shintaro worries for her but never asks. It is their mistake.

They date, for a while it's just a sweet as you could imagine for a fledgling relationship.

( Ayano in her field of flowers thinks she is going to be sick.)

Ayano walks into her Father's room and to his red eyes and insane grin. She runs. 

She starts to push away from Shintaro, realizing that it is not safe for him to be around her. He tries to talk to her about it but they just end up arguing and he never gets through to her. 

( Ayano watches through the TV and screams that she should just tell him the truth. That maybe if Shintaro helps Shuuya won’t have to see his sister die and maybe things will work out )

It gets to be too much for them both and they stop talking to each other. Takane and Haruka still disappear. Ayano and Shintaro are both questions about it though they have less to say this time around.

Shintaro attends their funerals when they are pronounced legally dead soon after. Ayano does not. 

Ayano from her TV watches as Shintaro pulls farther into himself now that he is alone again. His Mother grows sick as she does in any timeline but does not get better and Momo tries her best but grows frustrated too quickly. She knows her other self is not obligated to support him but still, she wishes she did.

Shintaro loses his mother and then his sister. 

Shintaro dies in this timeline as he always does, this time of a broken heart.

* * *

Ayano slumped on her desk and stared at the static among the TV.

She dreams again.

This time she is looking at herself in the mirror. She is filled with rage.

She breaks the mirror and screams into the void. The picture in pieces puts itself back together and stares at her. Red muffler flutter in the nonexistent wind.

Ayano looks at this version of herself, one that had the chance to be with Shintaro ( one that always has the chance), and though she knows it's not fair, pushes her to the ground.

It is odd, looking at herself in this way, with the intent to harm.

“You were so close! I thought you trusted him! Why didn’t you tell him the truth!” she seems to yell for hours at this puppet that looks like her. The other Ayano does not talk back and just takes it all.

Ayano’s chest heaves and she stares at herself. She grabs at the red scarf around the other's neck, taking the two ends and  _ pulls _ . The Ayano she leads over gasps for breath.

“Why do you get to love him and I don't?”

She wakes up.

  
  


* * *

Shintaro Kisaragi has dies 212 times 

Ayano in her field of flowers has seen every single one of them and she is tired of the heartbreak.

She loves him and she thinks she always will. She will never have a chance as she is. Love is not something a snake can have, she has a purpose nothing. Her own delusions have acted as a distraction from her focus for long enough.

Shintaro Kisaragi does not know her. The one did is long gone with all the rest and did not know her long enough to love her.

Then maybe the other way to get what she wants is to die with him. To join the one version of him that maybe had a chance of loving her as she is. It has been so long that she is not even sure of that. So many timeline and so many memories she is not sure what their first meeting truly was like anymore. Still, she has no use living like this anymore.

And so, like a dream, Ayano in her field of flowers burns away.

And starts again.

As all things in this world do.

* * *

Shintaro wakes up in his room with no memory of how he got there. The last thing he knew was seeing that picture..

_ Ayano? Why her? _

Those kids...the Mekakushi Dan knew her. How did they know her? Were they the siblings she mentions one before?.

“Hello.”

He sits up in bed and looks around, there is no one in the room with him.The disembodied voice seems like part of his own thoughts and yet he still speaks aloud in response.

“Hello? Who are you?”

“I am Yakitsukeru. And i am here to help you remember.”

And remember he does, of the tragedy and of its many lives. Of all the Ayano but one who sees hers herself aflame and erased herself from memory. 

Before being engulfed in fire she realized that it is a little funny. An already dead girl falling in love with a guy who always dies. So maybe death was the only way for them to be together anyways.

Her final dream before it all is this.

Two toys come to life, a boy with long hair trapped in a tower and a girl with stones for hands doing all she could to climb. She gets to the top and smiles at her triump ready to set the boy free. They lock eyes and her smile drops. His eyes are Red and they are filled with hate. For who could ever love a girl with useless hands and a selfish heart.

He pushed her away from him in disgust,

She 

F

A

L

L

S

**Author's Note:**

> The End.
> 
> Or so this story goes.


End file.
